This is a traditional Irish song

Comical Genius (the Guard)

O a comical genius was thinking one day

 How he'd jack up his job and receive handy pay

 He did not like begging and work was too hard

 So he got a bright notion to join up the guard
 
Diddly-i-dum diidly-i-dum diddly-i-dum dum day

 
 Well he went up to Dublin, to the depot went in

 Got a new suit of blue as bright as new pins

 They drilt him, they drilt him, they drilt him so hard

 The old sergeant proclaimed him a full fledged guard

 Diddly-i-dum diidly-i-dum diddly-i-dum dum day

 
 He was stationed somewhere near the town of Athy

 On the roads of the district he kept a close eye

 The girls they admired him as all brassers do

 Fell in love with the guard and his new suit of blue

 Diddly-i-dum diidly-i-dum diddly-i-dum dum day
 

 Well the girls they would wink and they'd nod as he passed

 O but this itchy guard had his eye on one lass

 And this little colleen, she being a die-hard,

 She made it quite clear that she wanted no guard

 Diddly-i-dum diidly-i-dum diddly-i-dum dum day

 
 Well one time while on duty on a cold winter's night

 Sure he caught her out cycling without any light

 Where's your light, miss? says he; for an answer says she,

 It's next to me liver, where you'll never be

 Diddly-i-dum diidly-i-dum diddly-i-dum dum day