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Seven Old Ladies
CHORUS (after each verse)
C
Oh dear what can the matter be
G7
Seven old ladies got stuck in the lavat'ry
C
They were there from Sunday 'til Saturday
G7 C
Nobody knew they were there.
C
They said they were going to have tea with the Vicar
G7
So they went in together cause they thought it was quicker
C
But the lavat'ry door was a bit of a sticker
G7 C
And nobody knew they were there.
C
The first lady in was the ministers daughter
G7
She was in there an hour and a quarter
C
She was so skinny her bum touched the water
G7 C
Nobody knew she was there
C
Now the next lady in was Dear Mrs. Murray
G7
She went in there in a terrible hurry
C
By the time she got in it was too late to worry
G7 C
Nobody knew she was there...
C
The next lady in was old Mrs. Mason
G7
She had to go quick so she went in the basin
C
And that was the water that I washed my face in
G7 C
'Cause I didn't know she'd been there...
C
Now the next old gal was Abigail Humphrey
G7
Who settled inside just to make herself comfy
C
She tried to get up but she couldn't get her bum free
G7 C
And nobody knew she was there
C
At last came in poor Mrs. Brewster
G7
She couldn't see as well as she used to
C
She sat on the handle and swore someone goosed her
G7 C
Nobody knew she was there
NOTE: Same chords for every verse...
Now the next was the Bishop of Chichester's daughter
Who went in to pass some superfluous water
She pulled on the chain and the rising tide caught her
And nobody knew she was there.
Now then came the wife of a Deacon from Dover
And though she was known as a bit of a rover
She liked it so much that she thought she'd stay over
And nobody knew she was there.
Now another old lady was Elizabeth Bender
Who was doing all right till a vagrant suspender
Somehow got caught in a feminine gender
And nobody knew she was there.
The next old lady was old Mrs. Draper
she went in to find there was no paper
The only thing there was a brick layers scraper
And nobody knew she was there.
The next old lady was Abigail Splatter,
She went there 'cause something was surely the matter.
When she got there, it was only her bladder,
And nobody knew she was there.
The next old lady was Amoeba Garpickle,
Her urge was sincere, her reaction was fickle.
She crawled under the door, she'd forgotten her nickle,
And nobody knew she was there.
The next old lady was Hildegarde Foyle.
She hadn't been living according to Hoyle;
Was relieved when the swelling was only a boil,
And nobody knew she was there.
The next old lady was Emily Grancy,
She went there 'cause something had tickled her fancy,
When she got there, it was ants in her pantsy,
And nobody knew she was there.
The next old lady was extremely fertile,
Her name was O'Connor, the boys called her Myrtle,
She went there to repair a hole in her girdle,
And nobody knew she was there.
The next old lady was named Brenda Fraser
She went in to fix a broken brassiere
She had drunk nothing but small beer
And nobody knew she was there.
The next old lady was Gwendolyn Daucus
She had been finding the party quite raucus
She went there avoiding a fellow named Paucus
And nobody knew she was there.
The next old lady was Susan Van Doozin
She could not get the man of her choosin'
She went there and found the art work amusin'
But nobody knew she was there.
The next old lady was Antoinette Boomer
She went there to see what was wrong with her bloomer
And when she found out, she wished she'd come sooner
And nobody knew she was there.
The janitor came in the early morning,
He opened the door without any warning.
The seven old ladies their seats were adorning,
And nobody knew they were there.
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